if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
