Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
