We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
