Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
