Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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