I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
