dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
