he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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