I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
