You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
