don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
