Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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