Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All the doctor said was why
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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