screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
