how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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