Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
