bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
