dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
