you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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