i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
