So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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