if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
