i think my mom watched the whole time
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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