We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I forget how to act sober
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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