No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize