TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
