My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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