So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i was born a porn star she said
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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