Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
