she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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