This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
