I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
