Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
