I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
