You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
