Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
