do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
