DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
