I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
