I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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