So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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