you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
