He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
