There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
