call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
