I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
