Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
