Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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