Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
