I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
