You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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