omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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