I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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