he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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