Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
