i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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