It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
