i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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