I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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