I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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