its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
