Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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