the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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