Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
