you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Mom said you looked used
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
