We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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