looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
