Farmville is her only friend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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