I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
