I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
