you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
