I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize